Time Flies When You Are Having Fun

First of all... I can't believe it's already May! Where is the time going? I think the older I have got and the more busy I have become time literally just starts flying by. I have to remember to enjoy the moments and take in every morsel of the things that bring me joy. We have been so busy around our neck of the woods. Once we got back from our vacation in New York in March we have just been on the go so much. And it doesn't look like it's slowing down anytime soon....

Later this month we are back to travelling! We will be hopping on a plane (not United that's for sure) and heading to my favorite place. If you guessed Tennessee then you would be right! I'm also going to see family and that makes me so happy. I'm crossing my fingers and toes that my mom can retire to California soon! Wooohooooo. Sending that affirmation out into the world!

Once we get to the Smokey Mountains we are going to take in some shows...

eat some good food...

 

and ride the Ober...

Once we get back from our trip to Tennessee it will only be a few short weeks until my Birthday and for that we are travelling again! While I'm over here counting down the days till all these vacations, work continues and so does our busy schedule! But I can't wait!!!

Dreaming of Retirement

While I love my job, I sometimes find myself sitting around and thinking of retirement. This usually happens most  after I've returned from a vacation. I think about where we will live, what we will do and how we will fill our days instead of going to work. 

1. Texas

Texas has two major points in its favor when it comes to money. Texans don't have to pay personal income tax. That's a big savings! The other of your a Veteran you don't have to pay as much property tax and in some cases none! Thanks to my husbands service we would pay less. 


2. San Diego, California.

I recently went to San Diego for work and then back again for Comic Con and I loved it! My husband was equally impressed with it. The weather is amazing all year long, the traffic is nothing like bigger cities such as Los Angeles and things were overly expensive (OK fine the houses might be a little high for the square footage). We already live in California so the move wouldn't be a huge journey to another state. We wouldn't have to change our tags, etc so the headache would be a little smaller.


3. Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.

I love it there. I've always loved it there. When I took my husband there in June he loved it too. I grew up going there and taking trips with my mom so of course it holds tons of sentimental value. There is always something to do, somewhere to go eat and some place to shop. My favorite stores such as A Christmas Place is there so I'm pretty for sure I would go completely nuts over the holidays. What little sanity I have left would escape because I would get a part time job there to feed my Christmas addiction.


4. Hawaii.

We would unclutter and not take all of our junk. We would be living the island life. The beaches, the sun, the tropics. The only draw backs tourists non stop, sunburns, not being super close to amazing medicine (I feel like here I can be airlifted anywhere). Plus I've done some digging and it's extremely pricey to retire to Hawaii. The tax breaks aren't as great as other states but hey... in the end it's Hawaii.


5. Sacramento, California.

We could stay put where we are. We already have a home and hopefully by then it will be paid off. We always talk about getting one of those really small drivable RVs and driving around the country to see things. We have a few decades to figure it out but hey... it's fun to think about and you never know we could win the lottery and make it happen sooner rather than later.

My Miscarriage & Misoprostol Story

Before I begin this post, I want to preface it by saying that I'm going to express a lot of emotion. I haven't really talked about this experience with a lot of people. While it was unfolding the only people who knew were my husband, a coworker and my mother. I'm going to be really honest because if someone like me finds themselves in the same circumstance then maybe this can help. When I was going through it, I scoured the internet for any advice, what to expect, etc. I just wanted to feel like I wasn't the only one even though I know I am not.

Where to start? Let's start at the beginning. At the end of May, I hadn't started my period. For some people this isn't a big deal. Well for me, it is. I am a regular girl. I think I've only missed a period 2-3 times in my life and I've been having my menstrual cycle for two decades now. I had been really stressed out though and was interviewing for a promotion so I assumed that's what had caused me to not start (stress had been the cause before so it seemed plausible). I was waiting every day for it to just start. I kind of thought that I wouldn't start till the next month and tried not to worry about it.

A few days later, I started feeling tired a lot. Like I wasn't getting enough sleep even though I was sleeping all night which isn't really like me. Then I started noticing that I was feeling a little nauseous in the evenings. I started blaming that on the heat in the evenings on my drive home from work. Then just to ease my mind, I decided to take a pregnancy test. Well let me tell you what. That didn't ease my mind. I peed on the First Response pregnancy test and didn't even have to wait the 2-3 minute waiting period. That sucker popped hot instantly. Well that's an unsettling feeling. No matter how well prepared you are to have a baby it's still like OMG I'm going to have a baby!

So I thought what to do. This is the first time this had ever happened to me and I wasn't for sure what to do. I had to leave to go to a graduation party so that's what we did. I sat there on a folding chair most of the night figuring out if I call my primary doctor or reach out to my OBGYN who had been assigned to me yet I had never met. The online scheduler told me I couldn't make prenatal appointments so I was very confused. I e-mailed my primary doctor but it was the weekend so I knew I wasn't going to get a response. On Monday, I told my mom what was going on. I think that was the hardest thing I've ever had to tell my mom because I knew she wanted us to wait longer to have a baby. Then I went to the doctors office because my primary care doctor told me I could walk in for a blood test to confirm it.

The next day my blood work came back and it was confirmed. I had to do a phone call with the nurse to see where I was at weeks wise and then we would set up the appointments from there. When I talked to the nurse from the date of my last period we determined that I was 5 weeks pregnant. The first appointment is set at 8 weeks so that was it. We had a date of our first appointment and life went on. I started getting more and more nauseous as the days went on. I went on vacation and saw my mom, celebrated my birthday and then started the morning sickness. That was rough. Every morning I would be sick while trying to get ready for work and then feel nauseas the rest of the day. It was all I could do but to hope to go home every evening in my car with a paper bag hoping that I wouldn't have to pull over to vomit into it.

Finally we got to our ultrasound appointment. I was completely nervous and a little scared. We get to the appointment and they do all the regular check ups... blood pressure, weight etc. They get me into my room and I have to undress from the waist down and then they let my husband in. I had already pre-warned him that I wanted him to hold my hand once they inserted the wand for the ultrasound. Once it was in and we started seeing my uterus on the little black and white screen we were like, "Is the noise on?".

We had nothing but silence. My doctor immediately said, I don't think you're at 8 weeks. She's like all I see is a yolk sac (first time I'd ever heard that term). She was like there is no heartbeat and I don't see the fetal pole. She then started to explain to us what that could mean. Either 1) the math is off and I was less than 6 weeks or 2) It was going to be unviable (aka a miscarriage). She said the only thing we could do is come back in two weeks to see if my yolk sac had grew with a heartbeat. Longest two weeks ever. Really.

Two weeks later we get to the doctor and at this point I had mentally prepared for either scenario. I just wanted to know which one was going to become my reality. My husband had done the same. We had hoped for the best but prepared for the worst. Same situation, we go in and do the ultrasound. Immediately we knew with no sound. The yolk sac had grown itself but there was nothing inside it. Now it was official. I had a miscarriage.

I knew there was nothing I could do. I knew it wasn't my fault. I knew now that I was just going to have to keep moving forward. That's all anyone can do. So my doctor started explaining to us what would happen next. I was prescribed the drug Misoprostol and high dose Tylenol. I was given my instructions and left. Due to a work trip that I had to take the next day, I knew that I couldn't take them till I got back. My doctor had stressed that you really need to be at home and have no plans for awhile. So until then I scoured the internet reading everyone's story on their experience with taking this drug.

Three days later, I took Misoprostol. And Oh my God! I literally thought I was going to die. I am not kidding or over exaggerating. It was by far the worst I have ever felt in my life. I read all these stories of how women were like "Oh it's just heavy period cramps". Um NO! I've had heavy period cramps and this felt like full on labor cramping (or at least what I now imagine it to feel like). I literally begged the heavens above for me to either pass out or fall asleep. I was this close to asking my husband to punch me in the face to knock me out. That's how painful it really was. Before I get all of these people saying, everyone is different. I get it. OK! I'm just telling you for me it was AWFUL.

So here's how it went...

10:45 a.m.- The drugs were inserted into my lady parts. My doctor told me that by inserting them that way it caused less side effects like vomiting or diarrhea. (which neither I got so that worked for me).

11:30 a.m. - I start to feel a little cramping. I was told by my doctor that when this happens to take the Tylenol. So I thought OK this is it. I took them.

Noon- No cramping and I'm thinking, Oh no! I'm going to be one of those people that it doesn't work for and you have to take it again the next day. (My doctor pre-warned me that some women have to take it for two days to get it to work).

1:00 p.m. - The cramping has now started. The cramping is so bad, I have to go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet.

1:15 p.m.- I'm cramping so bad, I'm trying to make deals with God. I've also concentrated long enough to text my mom and tell her to call in all her Jesus favors. I am not kidding.

1:45 p.m.- The pills worked and I have started expelling the tissue and blood that needs to come out. This continues until about 3:45 p.m. Yes, I was on the toilet that entire time. Yes I was cramping extremely hard. Yes my legs had started to ache and feel numb.

3:45 p.m. - I put on a lady product and try to lay down. I am exhausted from the cramping and feeling nauseas which hit during the heavy cramps. I get up five minutes later to check myself to see I was expelling too much to be able to lay down.

4:00 p.m.- I can finally take another pain pill. I do and I lay back down. I am literally begging the universe to fall asleep. Well thankfully I did. I was able to sleep until about 5:30 and when I woke up the cramps and eased up enough for me to drink some water and eat a piece of toast. Then I laid in bed and watched tv until the next pain pill and went to sleep.

Things that got me through it... my mom, husband, a heating pad (seriously I wore it for 3 days), smart water, 7up, plain food. The cramping and expelling lasted a few days and as time went on eased up.

I hope that if you've made it this far this information helps you if you are in a similar situation. If you have horrible cramps like I did. I'm sorry. You are not alone just know that. I was one of the women out in the world that got them with you. Also, I just want everyone to know I really didn't write this for sympathy or attention. I literally wrote it out there for the naïve girl like me who wanted the truth about how brutal this medicine can really make you feel. I would have loved to have seen one post from a woman out there who had taken it and flat out said, "This could be the worst pain you have experienced in your life so mentally prepare for it!". I could have and would have appreciated that post.

3 Day Weekend Got Me Like Whoa

I don't know about you but I think I need another 3 day weekend to make it to Friday.

 

I haven't posted much on the subject because I really can't. In June, the 25th to be exact my soon to be mother in law was out on her morning walk and was hit by a car. After many weeks of being away from home she finally came home on Friday. She has a long recovery to go and we are hoping she can walk by our wedding. When she came home on Friday we were flooded with tons of family coming to see her and had a little party in her honor. I prepared and made a 16 pound ham. Have you ever made 16 pounds of ham? No. Well it's an experience.

 

I baked this ham in pineapples and brown sugar. It was good! I've also ate ham everyday since for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. Anyone want some ham?

 

On Saturday, I totally screwed up my nail appointment. I talked last week about my strong nail game and I think that came back to me. I always have my nail appointment at 11:00a.m. The salon isn't super packed, I'm in and out early and have the rest of my day to do whatever errands or relax. I want in the door at 10:57 a.m. announcing I'm here and on time! And guess what... my appointment wasn't until noon. They were super nice and went ahead and took me. The girl that always does my nails, her 11:00 didn't show so it all worked out!

 

I also spent a huge amount of time knitting. I got sucked into the Michaels' Labor Day Sale of 30% off all yarn and got a few rolls. So I spent the weekend knitting 3 scarfs. I also made my soon to be mother in law a phone holder to put on her wheel chair. I mean clearly you have to have priorities when your hands are being used to wheel yourself around. Her phone is stored now!

 

I also consumed the following movies... because what's Labor Day Weekend without some movie watching?

 

How did you spend your Labor Day Weekend?

Blessed.

When I was a little girl, I would sit in front of the television on Friday nights and watch TGIF "Thank God It's Friday" on ABC. They had a whole line up of shows that were family based. It started with Full House, Family Matters, Step By Step and ended with Perfect Strangers. Full House would come on with the Tanner family sitting in the park across from the Painted Ladies in San Francisco. It would show them driving in their convertible across the Golden Gate Bridge living in sunny California. I was just a kid but I would think, "What a cool life to live!"

 

Fast forward to present day and I'm living in Sacramento, California. I live two hours from San Francisco and have seen the Golden Gate Bridge more than a handful of times now.  It's surreal. I'll have these moments where I'm out and in the middle of something it'll hit me. I live here now. This is my life. I'm living this life that I never really knew if it would happen. I had one of these OMG moments hit me when we were in SF doing our engagement photos. It was about right here that it hit...

This is really my life. I'm living in my dreams. I'm living in California. I'm marrying the man that I've waited to find. We're having an amazing wedding and it's all really happening. We have a house, my car is paid off, we have our cute pet Tesco the cat, I have a job that I enjoy. It's all real. It's all what I dreamed of when I was a kid.

It's in these moments that I find myself feeling incredible blessed. Are there times that I want more? Of course. I would be lying if I said no. But I feel so blessed and lucky in life. I have far more than others and I know that. I'm thankful for everything that I've received and work had for, what we work hard to provide for each other. I know that Beezy feels the same way because we've talked about how blessed we are. We don't take anything for granted.

So I say to all those people out there who dream of living a different life or moving to a different state do it. Don't dream about it anymore. Go out there and make it happen. Sacrifice, eat ramen noodles for weeks, save all your change. Do what you have to do. If you want it bad enough, you can make anything happen. Dreams can come true.

Believe

I'm a believer.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. You meet people for a reason.

They come into your life and leave your life for a reason.

The timing, the place, the events that bring them in and out.

All meant to be.

I've always been a believer but at times I haven't been a firm believer.

I may not always get the reasoning or the why's but I have to keep believing.

Right now I feel as if I'm getting tested. One of those tests that the universe gives you to see if you really believe.

I'm upset.
I'm sad.
I'm annoyed.
I'm questioning the universe.

I'm going to hold my head up and keep moving forward.

That's all one can really do.

When I feel down, I'm going to remember everything I have to be thankful for. I'm going to remember that I have people who care about me. I have a job. I have a car. I have a roof over my head.

I'm going to believe that good things do happen to good people.

I'm going to believe that the universe is going to help bring me what I'm looking for.

I'm going to believe that happiness will find me in every aspect of my life.

I'm going to believe that I'm going to get everything I want and more.

What about you? Have you ever felt like the universe just keeps testing you in one certain area of your life? Maybe more?

My Greatest Accomplishment

Last week someone asked me what I thought my greatest accomplishment has been. Since I graduated in college in 2006, I have always said graduating and finishing school. Then I really started to think about it. I thought about everything that's been hard. The things that I've had to be strong through, show determination and dedication. My greatest accomplishment has changed.

 

Starting a new life. Moving 2,415 miles west to the other side of the continent. Leaving behind every single person I know. Buying a home that I had only walked through for 5 minutes, one time for the first time. Then not seeing it again until the day I moved all of my belongings in to it. Being all alone for months and not seeing family. Learning to take care of everything myself including yard work. Learning how to navigate a new town and not have to use my gps to get to my own home.

Putting myself out there and making new friends. That's not an easy thing as we become older. I've surrounded myself with good people and they've become my family out here. They've helped me not to feel as lonely as I could have been. We have dinners, go to the movies, take road trips... it's been a great experience. I've been able to survive the hard days and make it to the easier ones. I'm hoping that more good times are on the horizon.

So yes, my greatest accomplishment has been making the move across the country. I've been able to start a new life out here. I've been able to work, live and thrive. I'm living my accomplishment. I'm hanging in there and rolling with it. Granted, I can't wait to go home and see my family and friends.

A Little Life Motivation

Now Comes the Fear

Moving 2,600 miles away, buying a home and leaving everything you know and are comfortable in tends to bring a little fear with it. It also brings the self doubt. Will I make new friends? Will I still keep the relationships with the friends I have now? Will I love it there? Will I be sad or happy? What if I hate it but trapped there? The list can go on and on. 


At the same time, I believe that you can't live your life in fear. You can't let the fear take over. You have to fight the fear to really live. Sometimes you'll make decisions that aren't right but you learn from them and move on. You can't be afraid to make a change. I found these quotes and they made me feel a little better. No matter what you're going through, maybe they'll help....

Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears. ~Les Brown

The first and great commandment is: Don't let them scare you. ~Elmer Davis

I have accepted fear as a part of life – specifically the fear of change…. I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back.  ~Erica Jong

Do not let your fears choose your destiny. ~ Unknown

Fear is never a reason for quitting; it is only an excuse. ~Norman Vincent Peale 

Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom. ~Mary Ferguson

Where fear is, happiness is not. ~Seneca

Fear is a habit, so is self-pity, defeat, anxiety, despair, hopelessness and resigination. You can eliminate all of these negative habits with two simple resolves," I can! and I will!" 

Do what you fear most and you control fear. Tom Hopkins

Procrastination is the fear of success. People procrastinate because they are afraid of the success that they know will result if they move ahead now. Because success is heavy, carries a responsibility with it, it is much easier to procrastinate and live on the 'someday I'll' philosophy. Denis Waitley

Fear is faith that it won't work out. 

There are four ways you can handle fear. You can go over it, under it, or around it. But if you are ever to put fear behind you, you must walk straight through it. Once you put fear behind you. Leave it there. ~Donna Favor

Confront your fears, list them, get to know them, and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead. ~Jerry Gille