Before I begin this post, I want to preface it by saying that I'm going to express a lot of emotion. I haven't really talked about this experience with a lot of people. While it was unfolding the only people who knew were my husband, a coworker and my mother. I'm going to be really honest because if someone like me finds themselves in the same circumstance then maybe this can help. When I was going through it, I scoured the internet for any advice, what to expect, etc. I just wanted to feel like I wasn't the only one even though I know I am not.
Where to start? Let's start at the beginning. At the end of May, I hadn't started my period. For some people this isn't a big deal. Well for me, it is. I am a regular girl. I think I've only missed a period 2-3 times in my life and I've been having my menstrual cycle for two decades now. I had been really stressed out though and was interviewing for a promotion so I assumed that's what had caused me to not start (stress had been the cause before so it seemed plausible). I was waiting every day for it to just start. I kind of thought that I wouldn't start till the next month and tried not to worry about it.
A few days later, I started feeling tired a lot. Like I wasn't getting enough sleep even though I was sleeping all night which isn't really like me. Then I started noticing that I was feeling a little nauseous in the evenings. I started blaming that on the heat in the evenings on my drive home from work. Then just to ease my mind, I decided to take a pregnancy test. Well let me tell you what. That didn't ease my mind. I peed on the First Response pregnancy test and didn't even have to wait the 2-3 minute waiting period. That sucker popped hot instantly. Well that's an unsettling feeling. No matter how well prepared you are to have a baby it's still like OMG I'm going to have a baby!
So I thought what to do. This is the first time this had ever happened to me and I wasn't for sure what to do. I had to leave to go to a graduation party so that's what we did. I sat there on a folding chair most of the night figuring out if I call my primary doctor or reach out to my OBGYN who had been assigned to me yet I had never met. The online scheduler told me I couldn't make prenatal appointments so I was very confused. I e-mailed my primary doctor but it was the weekend so I knew I wasn't going to get a response. On Monday, I told my mom what was going on. I think that was the hardest thing I've ever had to tell my mom because I knew she wanted us to wait longer to have a baby. Then I went to the doctors office because my primary care doctor told me I could walk in for a blood test to confirm it.
The next day my blood work came back and it was confirmed. I had to do a phone call with the nurse to see where I was at weeks wise and then we would set up the appointments from there. When I talked to the nurse from the date of my last period we determined that I was 5 weeks pregnant. The first appointment is set at 8 weeks so that was it. We had a date of our first appointment and life went on. I started getting more and more nauseous as the days went on. I went on vacation and saw my mom, celebrated my birthday and then started the morning sickness. That was rough. Every morning I would be sick while trying to get ready for work and then feel nauseas the rest of the day. It was all I could do but to hope to go home every evening in my car with a paper bag hoping that I wouldn't have to pull over to vomit into it.
Finally we got to our ultrasound appointment. I was completely nervous and a little scared. We get to the appointment and they do all the regular check ups... blood pressure, weight etc. They get me into my room and I have to undress from the waist down and then they let my husband in. I had already pre-warned him that I wanted him to hold my hand once they inserted the wand for the ultrasound. Once it was in and we started seeing my uterus on the little black and white screen we were like, "Is the noise on?".
We had nothing but silence. My doctor immediately said, I don't think you're at 8 weeks. She's like all I see is a yolk sac (first time I'd ever heard that term). She was like there is no heartbeat and I don't see the fetal pole. She then started to explain to us what that could mean. Either 1) the math is off and I was less than 6 weeks or 2) It was going to be unviable (aka a miscarriage). She said the only thing we could do is come back in two weeks to see if my yolk sac had grew with a heartbeat. Longest two weeks ever. Really.
Two weeks later we get to the doctor and at this point I had mentally prepared for either scenario. I just wanted to know which one was going to become my reality. My husband had done the same. We had hoped for the best but prepared for the worst. Same situation, we go in and do the ultrasound. Immediately we knew with no sound. The yolk sac had grown itself but there was nothing inside it. Now it was official. I had a miscarriage.
I knew there was nothing I could do. I knew it wasn't my fault. I knew now that I was just going to have to keep moving forward. That's all anyone can do. So my doctor started explaining to us what would happen next. I was prescribed the drug Misoprostol and high dose Tylenol. I was given my instructions and left. Due to a work trip that I had to take the next day, I knew that I couldn't take them till I got back. My doctor had stressed that you really need to be at home and have no plans for awhile. So until then I scoured the internet reading everyone's story on their experience with taking this drug.
Three days later, I took Misoprostol. And Oh my God! I literally thought I was going to die. I am not kidding or over exaggerating. It was by far the worst I have ever felt in my life. I read all these stories of how women were like "Oh it's just heavy period cramps". Um NO! I've had heavy period cramps and this felt like full on labor cramping (or at least what I now imagine it to feel like). I literally begged the heavens above for me to either pass out or fall asleep. I was this close to asking my husband to punch me in the face to knock me out. That's how painful it really was. Before I get all of these people saying, everyone is different. I get it. OK! I'm just telling you for me it was AWFUL.
So here's how it went...
10:45 a.m.- The drugs were inserted into my lady parts. My doctor told me that by inserting them that way it caused less side effects like vomiting or diarrhea. (which neither I got so that worked for me).
11:30 a.m. - I start to feel a little cramping. I was told by my doctor that when this happens to take the Tylenol. So I thought OK this is it. I took them.
Noon- No cramping and I'm thinking, Oh no! I'm going to be one of those people that it doesn't work for and you have to take it again the next day. (My doctor pre-warned me that some women have to take it for two days to get it to work).
1:00 p.m. - The cramping has now started. The cramping is so bad, I have to go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet.
1:15 p.m.- I'm cramping so bad, I'm trying to make deals with God. I've also concentrated long enough to text my mom and tell her to call in all her Jesus favors. I am not kidding.
1:45 p.m.- The pills worked and I have started expelling the tissue and blood that needs to come out. This continues until about 3:45 p.m. Yes, I was on the toilet that entire time. Yes I was cramping extremely hard. Yes my legs had started to ache and feel numb.
3:45 p.m. - I put on a lady product and try to lay down. I am exhausted from the cramping and feeling nauseas which hit during the heavy cramps. I get up five minutes later to check myself to see I was expelling too much to be able to lay down.
4:00 p.m.- I can finally take another pain pill. I do and I lay back down. I am literally begging the universe to fall asleep. Well thankfully I did. I was able to sleep until about 5:30 and when I woke up the cramps and eased up enough for me to drink some water and eat a piece of toast. Then I laid in bed and watched tv until the next pain pill and went to sleep.
Things that got me through it... my mom, husband, a heating pad (seriously I wore it for 3 days), smart water, 7up, plain food. The cramping and expelling lasted a few days and as time went on eased up.
I hope that if you've made it this far this information helps you if you are in a similar situation. If you have horrible cramps like I did. I'm sorry. You are not alone just know that. I was one of the women out in the world that got them with you. Also, I just want everyone to know I really didn't write this for sympathy or attention. I literally wrote it out there for the naïve girl like me who wanted the truth about how brutal this medicine can really make you feel. I would have loved to have seen one post from a woman out there who had taken it and flat out said, "This could be the worst pain you have experienced in your life so mentally prepare for it!". I could have and would have appreciated that post.