Tuesday, October 22, 2013

My Turn?

Forewarning: This post may contain a pity party.

Over the years and since leaving college, I've witnessed many of my friends grow up. In the years that have followed college, I've seen friends get engaged. I've seen them get married and have children. I've seen them start new traditions at holidays and throw gender reveal parties. I've attended Easter egg hunts, shopped numerous bridal/baby registries for hours and clicked like to every "We're engaged!", "We're getting married", "A Baby is Coming" status updates, instagram feeds, tweets and blog posts. But recently and now more than ever, I'm wondering when is going to be my turn?
When will I get to post photos of flowers sent to me? And when will I be cruising the isles of Michaels getting supplies for those, "Will you be my bridesmaid boxes?" When will I be able to call my mom and ask her advice on what to do when my baby won't stop crying? Will this ever happen? If so, when? I thought it was going to happen once and then I realized it was all a lie. Maybe that was the worst part, being that close to something I really wanted and then having it all come crashing down.
With the holidays coming up, I've been feeling a little different lately. Instead of being overly excited to decorate, buy gifts and plan things out, I've found myself sad wishing that I had someone to start new traditions with and share in my old ones. I have all these thoughts of why decorate when I'll be the only one to see it? and why buy thoughtful gifts when no one will be thinking of me like that? I mean my mom will but that's different. I think maybe I'm finally starting to see the holidays from the other side. You know the side I mean... the side of it from being alone. Like really alone. Is this what the holidays will be like in the years to come? Trying to find friends to intrude on?

I know I'll be spending Thanksgiving alone and that alone is very depressing. I was able to get the time off work but the flight for those four days is just too expensive to buy.

So I have to ask... when is it going to be my turn to announce special events? Huh universe!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I understand. I was always alone on major holidays. I just recently got engaged, but it's hard to not be bitter when looking and celebrating at everyone else's milestones in life, wondering, when is it my turn? When will people celebrate me? Do have to jump through these hoops to get love and support? What if that never happens for me? People would always say "your time will come," but what if it doesn't? It's hard to make a life for yourself, just you, when you do have a gift to give the word. It's hard to make life what you want, your best life, when you feel like something is lacking. I don't have any suggestions for you, but I know exactly how you feel. I wanted to register for gifts just for myself, like Carrie Bradshaw did in SATC. Ultimately, life is still worth fighting for, even when it's not what we thought it would be. Wish I could invite you to dinner.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

*Hugs* I wish I had some kind of answer for you. Because I know you deserve to have all the good stuff with someone amazing.

Steph said...

Awww... turn that frown upside down. You deserve nothing less than the best. It will happen.

megs7827 said...

I hate that you will be spending Thanksgiving alone! If I was single I would be praying for a wonderful godly man. I think I would be going to a church hoping to meet him. Of course I love my husband but I feel like the best couples are ones that prayed for each other and met through church. Do you know Susan from Life of Susan? She waited a long time and spent a long time praying for him and now a year after they got engaged they are expecting a baby! Things can change fast when you know it's right!

Cara Kueck said...

I love you biggie! It will be your turn soon! I have a good feeling! :)

Courtney B said...

Oh sweet girl! It WILL be your turn before you know it, but I know that's not the answer you want right now. Just don't lose faith that you will find the guy that you totally deserve!!
Hugs to you!!

Selma @ Crazy Little World Of Mine said...

Hugs girl. I know your time will come and when it does it's going to be fabulous!!!!!!!!!

Shoshanah said...

What's a little sad is that even all those people whose statuses you're liking on facebook must feel similar about something else. I know for me, I read this and think about how I'll never even have the opportunity to call my mom to ask why the baby is crying, and how much it sucks hearing from people who are able to. I think no matter what there's always going to be something missing in your life, and maybe how you survive it helps make you who you are.