Wednesday, September 30, 2009

A Heavy Heart

I've struggled for the last few days on whether or not to talk about this. It's pretty personal and lately I've been trying to keep things closer to home than sharing. I still have my blog stalker (Hi!) and I hate that. It makes me feel like I can't talk about things that I would normally do so. 
Anyways, some of you have already been privy to this information. If you're one of those then I'm sorry, bare with me while I tell everyone else my dilemma. 

If you haven't noticed my little countdown clock on the right side, I'm scheduled to be going out of town this Saturday. I've been looking forward to this for awhile. Early last week things changed. Situations changed and I was left without answers, confused and didn't know if I would be making the trip. Days went by and I had no idea if I was still going or not. I got word on Sunday that made me feel nauseous. Yet, I was still being asked to make this trip. Honestly, I want to take the trip for reasons I can't go into detail over yet. 

I'd like to state that No one knows the future. Definitely not me. If you happen to know, get ahold of me because we need to talk. 

Now in the course of this time frame I had made alternate plans. Because when you think you're not going on the trip you had planned, you plan something else. I have the days off work, why not? So I did just that. My BFF Erin lives in Cincinnati and was welcoming me with open arms to come stay with her this weekend. Then I got word from someone else that they would also be in the 'Nati (Cincinnati for all you non familiars of the great city) and that makes me really excited. 

This is where the dilemma comes in. I can't be in two places at one time. I genuinely don't know where to go. Each place has it's pro's & con's... If I go to Texas I risk my heavy heart getting completely ripped out. I also risk not even being picked up at the airport and stuck in Austin for 5 days. I risk falling into a klassy moment where I smack skeezy girls in the face. However, I could gain a lot from going. I would have no regrets and the situation could do a 180. 

If I go to Cinci though I'll get to see my BFF and my the person that would be really great to see. If I don't go, I have no idea when I'll get the time to go see Erin and there's an even likelier chance that I'd get to see the other person seeing as how they are only in town for those same days. Plus, will I regret not being in Texas the whole time I'm in Cinci. Would I also wonder what might have happened? 

I just don't know what to do. I'm completely torn and honestly am lost on the choice. You never know though, at this point I may get a call any minute saying, "Hey don't come" I guess I'm playing it by ear but I only have 2 days to figure it out. Any advice?

35 comments:

Sunshinemeg said...

Cincy is a great city, but there is no way I can tell you what to do. Atrip to see your best friend may clear your head and be just what the doctor ordered, but you might be left with the "what if?"

Mrs. G.I. Joe said...

Ooooh...I have no clue what's going on. Haha! I'm trying to catch up now that birthday maddness is over at our house. So I'll be reading more and probably have something more valuable to say in the future.

But really I think with any big decision deep down we usually already know what to do. You just have to be really quiet, clear your head and ask "Where should I go?" A person at one of those places may pop into your head, or a memory of that place...it could be the most subtle thought ever but its your answer.

And, once you do decide, whichever way that might be...DON"T second guess yourself. Pick one and stick with it. I'm sure everything will work out the way its supposed to. The uncertainty will be over soon.

The Rest is Still Unwritten said...

Wow...the nosey part of me so wants to know the back story to this! I agree with Sunshinemeg...best friends can do a lot to help turn a bad situation or feeling around. Not sure what's going on in Texas, but just from what I've read, I don't think I'd be headed there.

Although...I'll be in Austin this weekend. You can always hang out with me and my girls and come back to Houston with me for the rest of the time!

Ashley said...

Go to Cincinnati... Then drive to Columbus and see me! :)

Jenn said...

It's so hard when you're torn...I guess I'd try to decide which one I'd regret if I didn't go - you'll get to see your best friend, but it sounds like something important is unresolved in Austin. You know you've got friends anywhere you go (that's the beauty of Blogland - there's always a friend nearby!), so count on that support and do whatever will put your mind (and heart) at ease. Sorry, that's not really good advice, but I bet deep down you know what to do...find that strength to go or not, either way will be difficult.

If you find yourself near Ft. Worth, I'm here! :)

Ashley said...

Follow our heart!

~KS said...

I don't know enough about what you've been through to give you any wise advice... but I can tell you're struggling and my heart goes out to you. Tough decisions can tear at our hearts, but in the end, they usually have the biggest impact on our lives too... Don't put too much pressure on yourself to make the "right" decision because honestly, there might not be a "right" decision. Do what your heart tells you, and know that you will end up right where you are supposed to be...

Kris said...

These what-if moments are so tricky and unfortunately only you can make the decision. Stay true to yourself and you'll be fine! :o)

Amber said...

I hope whatever you choose works out for you. Good luck and have a safe trip this weekend!!!

AmberDenae said...

Oh dear. What a sticky situation.

You could always just screw both places and head to the beach- Pensacola Beach, might I add ;)

No but really- where do you truly WANT to go?

I'm not aware of the situation whatsoever but focus on the pros of both places and decide which is more appealing. of course, if there is a likely chance that you may be sorely disappointed in Texas but really had your heart set on it- sometimes taking chances is healthy. Even if the outcome is crappy. I want you to have a great time though and things could turn around for the better. Pray about it. Follow your heart and YOUR desires. :)

Can't wait to see what you choose!

BakerGirl said...

You just have to go with what your gut says. Don't over think the logistics or what could happen. Only you know if you will regret that trip enough to take the chance of being left at an airport.

Also, if you get left at the airport you can always hop another flight to Cincy!

Laura and Ryan said...

I just found your blog and obviously don't know you, but something tells me Cincinnati. I hate feeling like I'm not wanted somewhere so I made a pact to myself in college to only go where I will be welcomed with open arms. Life is too short to deal with people's crap.

Good luck! I'm sure you will make the right decision!

Becky said...

Big decision! There are so many things to think about on this one. On one hand you are risking a lot by going, and will probably run into the "skeezy" unless they have been warned. A trip to see the BFF is always a good time (unless your mind is in another place and you don't let yourself enjoy it!! I would say just go with your gut and don't look back!

Steph said...

I would do which one you think will make you the happiest. I have a feeling you already know which place you want to go. Just pick on and do it with your whole heart. Try not to doubt your decision wherever you go.

Best wishes!

SS said...

Grab the magic 8 ball?

Deep breaths and hang in there! Whatever decision you make own it and no regrets.

I've been reading the comments and you have some really thoughful perspectives from the blog world, and now look at all the other options you have for vacation time. :-)

Samantha the ArmyWife said...

oh my I'll be emailing (per your request) after I catch up on my reading!! :)

Head up girl, and remember you just stay in control! Don't let these boys jerk you around! you deside what comes next and what you'll be doing with your time!

Jessica said...

Well I had my thoughts nice and clear to give to you before I started reading some other comments. I was going to tell you to hop on that flight to Cinci.. that it sounds like you really have your doubts about TX and I would never want you to go through anything like your recent situation where you never knew if you were really wanted or not. I know that's a horrible feeling, I've been here, and I don't want you to go through that again. Plus a little time with a BFF can cure ANY heartache.
But you have other great bloggy advice as well. You have to decide if the heartache of possibly being left at the airport is worth the risk. I agree that you'll never know if you don't try, but is it worth it to you? Sometimes you just want to have the upper hand ya know? As in.. I would want to be the one to decide whether or not you were going to spend the weekend together, not him.
I don't know.. I don't think i've helped very much, I sound just as confused as you probably are, but please follow your gut. Basically that's what it comes down to. It'll never steer you in the wrong direction!

JG said...

Well without knowing any details, it's hard to really know which is the best to do. However, if it were me, I would say to go with the commitment you made first. Otherwise, it looks like you've been given some great advice already, so I think you'll make the right decision!

Katie said...

I think you need to go to texas for your own well being. If you don't go you are going to always wonder "what if..."

Erin said...

I am very confused because I am not sure who you are going to see in Texas. So I really can't give any good advice. But it seems like if you don't go you are going to regret it.

The Peach Tart said...

I have no idea about the Austin thing but I'd say get quiet with yourself and go in the direction you are led.

sfpm said...

Part of me feels that whatever is going on in Texas needs to happen earlier rather than later, the whole "rip the bandaid off" concept is popping into my head. As much as I would NOT want to go with the fear that you have described, it might be something that you want to go through and then move on or have everything be better. At the same time, heading to Cincy sounds like it also might be good for your soul, you might need it either way.

HUGS!!!!!

rena said...

Haven't you always wanted to visit the Middle East? ;) jk. I've already given my thoughts on it, too bad i won't be in Texas yet, you could hang with me!

Allison said...

You know, I was thinking about you this morning and I was thinking if I were you I'd be kickin' someone to the curb who more than deserves it. But on the other hand it would be good for you to clear things face to face.

However I read this post and my gut said "Go to Cincy and call that person near Austin a fathead over the phone." So that's me. I think you deserve to go somewhere that you'll have a great time and enjoy the company of GOOD people. (Not that I'm not awesome, but I'm leaving myself and my own selfish desires out of it.)

Kelsey @ Seattle Smith's said...

I am with Sunshine meg and Rest is still unwritten!!! Go to be with your best friend if it will help!

Dollface said...

Um love your blog! Just became a new reader. Google reader recommended you and I love it!! xxxoo

Llama said...

So sorry that something is not going as planned. You have to really think about what is going to make YOU feel the best. You have to weigh out the pros and cons of each and make the best choice. Don't do something just bc you think thats what someone else wants you to do. Sometimes I feel like we over analyze things and then we end up making a wrong decision just because we "feel bad" or think "its the right thing to do." All I know is I hope you feel better and that things start looking up for you soon.

Troy and Rachel said...

go to texas!!!

tootie said...

Hmm..I wish I had a good answer! Which one would you regret more if you didn't go?

I hope it all becomes clear soon!

Kate said...

Like some of the other readers, I don't know the background info. But All I know, is you can't live your life with a bunch of "What ifs".

It is easy to get caught up with them and start to think that if you did something different the outcome would be better. Everything happens as they are meant to be, I really-truly-honestly believe that. Take some time and really listen to what your heart wants to do. If it is telling you to take a chance and go to Austin - GO! But, if you are hesitant and really wanting to go to Cincinnati - then let life carry you there. Whatever it is - do it with a whole heart! :)

bss said...

I always tell E that if you're cool, you call Cincinnati "Cincy," but if you're really cool, you call it "The 'Nati" haha!

I don't like thinking about you being jerked around, but on the other side of the coin, you might be left thinking, "what if," like all of the other girls mentioned. I don't know what to tell you, besides follow your heart. I wish we were already in TX, so you'd know for sure you wouldn't be left at the airport-- I would come get you in a heartbeat! Please take care of yourself. We all just think the world of ya! :)

The Queen of Clearance. said...

Im confused! I dont know what you are talking about at all. lol. Just follow your heart, its all you can do!

Mrs. G.I Joe said...

Holy cow that was weird! I got on here to comment but was stopped short when I saw a comment ALREADY from Mrs. G.I.Joe...I'm like, "what! Someone hijacked my account and is blogging for me?" LMAO! I didn't know someone could have the same name as me:) Hope we arn't confussing you...As for your blog post....Wow...Not really sure what the best advise would be on that one...I'm not a fan of having my heart crushed or being left at an airport for five days...I believe I would count my blessing, being the friends that want to welcome me with open arms and go that way...If things are meant to work out with you and this situation, it will, whether or not you go to Texas:) I hope you make the right decision for you and find peace over it girl...I'll be hittin you up on facebook soon!

Sara said...

Oh goodness! Sorry you're having a tough time.
Like all the others, I don't know the background but I can only assume you are talking about a boy in TX. Having been married for six years and together for 10, here are my thoughts - if the relationship is that much drama, it's not worth it. You should never, EVER have to wonder if you are wanted by the one you love. He's not worth it, and girl, you deserve better! Go to Cincy, spend time with your bestie and ditch the dude.

Cookie Crums said...

Did you ever figure it out? I know it's been some craziness going on!! I hope you figure out what to do and are happy with your choice.