Friday, August 28, 2009

Changing your view?

I've really wanted to pose this question in blogland for the past few days but I've been scared to. It's a sensitive subject when talking about it with people. I can never gauge how comfortable or uncomfortable people become when discussing it. So....do not feel like you have to give any input. If you do that's great though...remember..this blog is a safe place. 

Question: Would finding out that your boyfriend, potential boyfriend, fiance or husband has had a sexually transmitted disease (std)in their past, bother you? Not like a life altering one such as HIV but something that can be cured with a good dose of penicillin. Would this alter your opinion or view of them? 

I recently had a friend confess to me that they have suffered from an STD. I'm not going to lie, I wasn't completely shocked when they told me. This person has slept around... a lot! However as the days have went on I've started to think about it. As I've thought more and more about it my opinion of the person has kind of changed. I think, "Hmm...maybe this person is skeezy." yet I also thing "well maybe I'm just being too judgemental." 

I bet you're all wondering what has been up with my blog posts recently but I promise....come Labor day weekend you're going to get the FULL scoop! 

27 comments:

High Heels & Combat Boots said...

Maybe just me being me, I would start to judge, but this day in age, you have to be so careful. The slightest mistake and you could have yourself a big problem. For example, one of Josh's best friends found out he had an STD and didn't understand why, b/c he was in a relationship with only one girl. Well....come to find out, she had cheated and got it, and passed it on to him before she was cured. Needless to say, he is single now...

The Peach Tart said...

Not so much. Anybody can make a mistake. Luckily not fatal.

The Undomestic Army Wife said...

I wouldn't change my view because if I did, I wouldn't be married right now. Mat confessed to me that his ex wife had given him an STD because she had slept with someone while he was deployed that had an STD. It is completely manageable with medication and not a big deal.

To be completely honest, I wasn't one known to keep my legs closed as a girl in my late teens early 20's so I can't judge someone that did what I did but the only difference is that they have proof.

Rachel said...

I wouldn't jugde because it's not always their fault or they didn't know their partner had it. I mean, my husband wasn't always the smartest before we got together. He didn't get and STD or anything but he could have. People change so I don't think you can really judge them for it.

Jessica said...

If it were my husband I'd be pissed and would be full of doubt. However, if it were someone else that I'm not intimate with I couldn't care less. It's not going to affect me, why should I care? I would actually take the time to make sure she/he got cured and hopefully, said person will have learned their lesson. I wouldn't turn my back or judge because, nothing in life is 100% guaranteed and you never know one day you just might be in the same position (general you).

Jessica said...

Wanted to add: that if said STD came around after we got married, than we'd have some HUGE issues. However, if he had one before me I wouldn't judge- it's not my place.

Sunshinemeg said...

That is a really good question. I have no idea what I would say or do. If it was someone I was intimate with, of course I would be concerned and want to know details. Very scary thing.

Samantha the ArmyWife said...

hmm... Idk how I feel about it honestly. But it was interesting to read your opinion along with your other readers'!

Allison said...

Unfortunately, STDs are so common. I wouldn't judge because even if you're responsible and having safe sex you can get an STD. A good friend of mine does, but she's still the same wonderful person she's always been. She just has the best line EVER to get someone to stop harrassing her in a bar.

d.a.r. said...

Since my hubby and I waited until our wedding night, you better believe I would judge!!! I was also his first kiss 6 years ago, so our situation is probably a little different than most, ha!

Cookie Crums said...

YOu seem to be talking about two different issues... a significant other and a friend. the friend I wouldn't judge. That's choices they have made and have to deal with. Not my place. Now if it was someone I was intimate with, a little different. If it was from a past relationship, then not much you can do..... things happen. If it was while we were together that they got it.....TOTALLLY different issue.

I guess bottom line.....don't judge unless it directly effects you and then just be careful.

JG said...

Wow, this is super serious. I think what other people have said is, true, it would depend on my relationship with the person. If it was my husband, that would be devastating because that would mean that he had lied to me about his history. If it was a friend, well, it would just depend on the situation. Like, as some have said, if they were cheated on and given it, that's one thing. If they were just careless at one point, that's another. It's hard to say absolutely because every situation is different.

A Little Pink... said...

I think it would be hard not to judge, but in this crazy world we live in today it's probably more common than we think. Luckily it was a curable one and not something like HIV or Herpes that they would have to live with for the rest of their lives.

Carrie said...

My answer: it depends.

I don't think my opinion would change all that much if I already knew that my friend/significant other had been with multiple people. I mean, things happen, people screw up, and I'd just be glad that it was curable and they'd be okay.

However, if it were a boyfriend and he hadn't told me who he'd been with before...I'd be angry and hurt, and yes, my opinions would change. Dramatically.

And in the case of a friend...I think I'd probably be disappointed that she couldn't confide in me. Other than that, I don't think it would matter much.

Young Mom/Wife said...

Okay, if it was a friend then no I wouldn't alter my view of them. Maybe judge their past habits a bit, yes, but I would still be their friend.

However, if it was my fiance/husband you bet I'd be pissed. I get that those things can be managed now, but I am in no mood to catch anything OR pass it on to my kids thankyouverymuch.

I am starting to get antsy to learn more about where all of this is coming from...COME ON LABOR DAY!

bss said...

I'm not sure how I feel about this. There was a girl I went to high school with who had herpes, and everyone talked badly about her although she wasn't one to sleep around. I always kinda felt sorry for her.

Katie said...

First: I can't wait to get the low down on whats going on

Second: It really depends. I think some people just might have bad luck, but at the same time, if you are smart and safe when you have sex then you won't get an STD!

The Queen of Clearance said...

you already knew that person was skeezy, so it didnt make you see them differently, it just reminded you of how skeezy they are :) And that they are dumb for not wearing a condom for sure. If my friend had a std and is cured from it, I would not think any different....unless I thought they werent sleeping around. If my mate had an std in the past...Id rather just not know about it...because it would probably make me look at their...member...lol...a little bit differently. gahhh...TMI! (oh and the word verification for this comment is kinkish..how funny is that?)

Casey (@ Ever-Changing Life) said...

I would be totally weirded out. My husband and I waited until we were married, so in a relationship an STD would be a no go for me. As far as a friend with one I would wonder. Did someone lie to them or are they just a big skank. I might just have to ask them!

jenn said...

hmm...interesting question and not one i've ever thought about.

my husband and i waited til we were married so, if he came home w/one i'd be devastated.

this day and age ppl sleep around all the time w/o thinking twice about it (not saying i agree). so, i tend to think that most ppl. would need to deal with it or move on b/c with all the sleeping around it's bound to show up!!! esp. if it's treatable with meds!!!

looking forward to labor day to read what ALL these posts are for!!! :o)

Army Duck said...

I have a good friend with Herpes. I've seen how difficult it has been for him to meet someone because it's not really sexy to have to tell someone that you have an STD a few dates in to getting to know someone. I think if you know the story on how they got the STD and it was because they didn't use protection or something like that you might feel a little judgemental of them but in the case of my friend his long term partner cheated on him and passed it on so it's easier to judge her than him. Eh.. not sure if I answered the question but there you go lol

Abbie said...

My view of the person wouldn't change. One of my closest friends caught an STD from a guy she was seeing...granted they shouldn't have had unprotected sex, but he didn't know about it because he didn't have any symptoms. She is by no means a person who sleeps around a lot and I think it can happen to anyone.

Shoshanah said...

Assuming that its end the past and they no longer have it I think I'd be ok with it. After all for all you know they've been through some life altering situation and they're no longer the person they were. Or maybe their past significant other cheated on them and passed it on. Thus they didn't do anything wrong.

On the other hand, if it was something uncurable. Not neccessarily life ending, but more like herpes where you can't ever get rid of it. Well, I'd have my doubts there. Mainly because I'd always be afraid all the precautions we might take would fail and I'd end up with something

Ashley said...

I agree, I would try not to judge because their partner may have with held that vital information!! That being said, sleeping around isn't cool either!! Tough to say, I have never been in that situation. One of David's friends from tech school got a STD. I kept warning him to stop sleeping around or he would get one. FInally he did! He had it coming! He never used protection!! So guess it depends on the person. But that is what they have to deal with and not for me to judge. I can only warn!! HA!!

Krysten Hartenstein said...

I figure anyone can make a mistake. I guess if it were my significant other I'd prefer they tell me over not telling me. You can't be too careful these days...

Rachael said...

Ok, I think in a relationship you should be as honest as possible. If a curable STD was in someones past, I don't think if would change the way I felt about them. Part of loving someone is acknowledging and accepting their past. Now, if it was a current issue and not my fault, well, then there would be issues. But the past is the past, I say leave it there if you can help it.

Organic Meatbag said...

Wow, sounds like somebody needs a Penicillin intervention! Hahaha!