Saturday, August 1, 2009

Reservation for One


I feel I should permanently get use to doing things alone. 
Me = The Cheese Stands Alone. 

I have no problem doing things alone. I'm a grown adult. I'm 25 years old and out of these years I think I've spent probably at least 22 years of them single. I've ate at restaurants alone. I've went shopping alone. I've been to the movies alone. I've vacationed alone. Do I enjoy doing these things alone? No, not at all. 

Sometimes in life we don't get the things we want. I feel some people are destined to walk alone. If you would have asked me a few years ago if I thought everyone had a soul-mate out in the world. I would have looked at you doe eyed, tilted my head and said, "Of course!" Now...not so much. Maybe some people really are destined to be alone. I think I'm one of those people. The only problem with this is, I don't want to be one of those people! 

When I was 20 I made a life plan for myself or goals, however you want to call it, to have done or accomplished by the time I was 25. Here's some things that were on the list.
  • To be married or in a committed relationship that could lead to marriage.
  • If married to have a child.
  • Have a grown up job that I love. 
  • Own my own home or be working towards it. 
  • To have traveled multiple places around the world. 
So that was my list. What do I have accomplished off of it? Well....I have a grown up job but most days I don't love it. The travelling...well I've been to Canada, around the USA some and tto England and France. Whoop-t-do. AND I'm not even going to touch on that whole relationship and child thing. Huh!

I feel like a big fat failure. I mean really. Where did the last 5 years go? Was I in a walking coma? Wasted....wasted years. 

29 comments:

tootie said...

You are not a failure! Keep all of your dreams - just know that they might not happen when you think.

I actually met my husband when I was a bit older (after 25), and I had already given up hope of ever finding someone. Things didn't happen on my own timeline, but they still worked out!

And I have faith that they'll work out for you - even better than you're imagining! :)

Random Musings Of My Life said...

Aww hun here was my list for the time I was 22

Be married (happened 3 years later)

Have a baby (Well thats NEVEr going to happen)

Own a house (still no)

Big girl job (still no)

Best shape of my life (yep still no)

I have a friend that I just had this conversation about 6 months ago, shes FINALLY met the one (shes 34 so you have some time) and they are getting married next summer....

Rachael said...

You're still young and you're NOT a failure, by any means. I think having a grown up job alone is an accomplishment. I feel so weird knowing that I won't be finished with school until I'm 24! Yikes! Just give it time, dear, it'll all work out.

xoxo

Sunshinemeg said...

Oh honey, this is just so not true. I'm still semi-new to your blog. You have an incredible strenght in that you tell it how it is - there is not much sugar coating. That shows the true strenght you have. You take them head on and handle yourself.

Your feeling down right now and that is okay, who am I to say it is not, but you are not a failure. The last five years were spent building yourself a grown up life. The next five will be the same, but along that building there will be breaks and bumps.

You really do have a tremendous amount of strenght that shines through your writing. Please keep your head up, because you should. It is amazing sister. Sending good thoughts your way.

Sunshinemeg said...

And you are only 25 girlfriend!

Ashley said...

You are NOT a failure!! Life may never come out as you planned. Always remember that the best is yet to come!! And you are ONLY 25!!! YOu are still a young pup!!

rena said...

You are definitely NOT a failure! You still have your whole life ahead of you and you'll accomplish these goals and even more!

Katie said...

I know how you feel, I look around and all of my friends are getting married, having kinds, and buying houses. While I'm still living in a shitty rented house - such an achievement.

Keep your chin up, one day we will sweep them all :)

jessica said...

Not wasted years. I feel the same way SO often! Especially now being in this new city and not knowing a soul. This cheese stands alone, too. But, if I have learned anything, it's that things change often. When I turned 25 I committed to doing things I had always said I wanted to do. I wanted to be a person that followed through with their dreams. So, I went to Paris.

Make a new list for yourself and throw out away the old one. I make a new list each year on my bday. It's not written in stone, but there to push me to try new things and to follow through. Make a list of all the things you have done and are proud of. I hope it inspires you :)

TheTinyJEWELBox said...

jen,

this funk is so not you. but it will pass. you are not a failure. you are a great person. but rome wasn't built in a day. and God doesnt work on man's calendar. you have plenty of time to complete your goals. focus on quality not quantity. Love you girl!

Casey (@ Ever-Changing Life) said...

Do you read Kelly's Korner? She really struggled with not being married until 30ish. Then she struggled to have kids. Luckily, she is now blessed to have a house, husband, and kid. She just had to wait until God knew she was ready. It's a pretty awesome story.

I'm 25 and don't have a kid. I'm not even ready! When I was 20, I probably thought I would be ready at 25. Your 20 year old self could not have known what you would need at this point. Don't stress!

Samantha the ArmyWife said...

NO! Darlin' time is NEVER wasted! Don't think that way. While you may not be quite where you hoped to be at this juncture that by no means makes you a failure. You've made different decisions for your life, that doesn't make them bad or worse than the goals you set for the past five years! You are in a career path, which is something that I idolize! and NO relationship is perfect so you just keep riding the wave until it crashes... that may be the next few years, next few months or the rest of your life! But the time is NEVER wasted. You stay strong and motivated girl. You have so much to be happy about, thankful for and to look forward to!! :)

PS : yes I did get yoru LONG email and the hubs and I have been discussing it! THANKS so much for all of the info. it was PERFECT!

Jenn said...

phshaw...whatever, you aren't a failure! Everything will work out for the best. My mom married my dad because she thought she was getting too old and would never find anyone else. She was 23, they divorced 11 years later. My aunt was 35 when she found the one and is still married 12 years later. Don't stress, just think of where you are being sent and the journey you are on!

And on another note...I had never heard the song about the cheese standing alone until about 6 months ago when it was on the Wiggles. I had no idea where the phrase came from until then. Weird huh?

hisMrs said...

Don't give up!! You are an amazing strong woman and I just know that you will not be alone forever!!! Keep that chin up! Things ALWAYS work out for the best! Have faith in that!

Teresa said...

You have not failed! Sometimes it takes us longer than we have planned ot have exactly what is right for us. Keep your head up because the good is on its way to you. :)

J.J. said...

I met hubby at 27. Six months later...married him when I was 28. I was a late bloomer in that department. I am glad. I was chilled and relaxed about it and I knew exactly who I was at that point. Oh yeah, none of that was my "plan." Chin up girl. Hugs to ya!

Brittany said...

Oh hun by no means are you a failure... I turn 25 in just a few weeks and I look back to when I was 18 and go WTF???

I wanted none of what I have today, husband and kids included. That was for my late 20's early 30's. I wanted a career. I wanted adventure, I wanted MONEY... Nope all I got was the adventure of 3 monsters...

I guess the moral of it all is to know that you will at sometime reach those goals. It never goes as plan but have faith that life will work out!

Army Duck said...

Hugs.

I think sometimes in life things don't happen the way you expect or want them to but that everything does happen for a reason to lead you to that place you want to be.

I think you will look back happily married with a little bubba in your arms and be thankful for this time. Right now you are learning more about strength and independence than you probably ever thought possible (I know I never could have imagined how hard it could be to be away from the one you love). I think you'll look back and be greatful that it took you a little longer to achieve your list because in the end you came out more on top than if you had been given the things you wanted straight up.

Hang in there girl..

xx

The Queen of Clearance said...

They were not wasted years at all. everything gets to your where you are suppose to be in life and 6 months from now...a year from now....or 2 years from now you will be happy with alot of the things on your list crossed off and yo will know that you had to go through this not so great time in your life in order to get to the good stuff and it will have been worth it! Im sure of it. hang in there!

Shoshanah said...

You can't think of them as wasted years because they go you to where you are! And I'm sure everything you want on that list will happen in time.

And about soul-mates? I don't really believe in. I think there's a lot of people out there you could possible be happy with. But its more of when you meet one of those people you both have to make the decision that you want this to be "it."

jenn said...

NOT A FAILURE AT ALL!!
your dreams just don't fit into YOUR time table.

keep dreaming - don't give up!!

and 25 is still young -- believe me :o)

Bridget said...

You are far from a failure. I am a huge planner myself but sometimes we have to be open to other plans. You will find someone one day that will love you very much. I am 27 and by now I thought I would be done having kids and I havent even started, so keep your head up it will all work out.

A Little Pink... said...

You are so not a failure! Twenty-five is still so young, you have plenty of time to do the things on those list. I think it just gets more and more frustrating because the older we get the faster time goes.
Hang in there sweetie, I honestly do not believe you're destined to be alone. You're much too sweet for that!

BakerGirl said...

I feel the same way but I've had to re-adjust my thinking... It's scary but life doesn't always go as planned and it's not that you've wasted the years. It's just... Life is a learning experience and once you get off the school track nothing is promised. Just keep your chin up and eventually we will both get where we want to be! :-)

New Girl on Post said...

We all have days like this. Myself included. You are NOT a failure! Don't be so hard on yourself!

And if you want to add Italy to your list of places visited then come on over. :)

Jessica said...

You haven't wasted any time. I truly think you should just enjoy the days of your life now. Marriage and babies are a whole different ball game, seriously! Enjoy being 25 because, before you know it you're going to be 30 and asking "where the hell did the time go?" No need to rush or feel like you've wasted years, you have plenty more to do all of these things... trust me!!!

Mom in High Heels said...

Oh, honey! You are not a failure! Things happen when they happen. My Bff from high school got married last year for the first time at age 36. She didn't think she'd ever find the one, but she did (he was 40 and never married either), but they are one of the happiest couples I know. She said it was worth every year she spent alone to have found the right one.
And good grief, you're 25! Do you KNOW how young that is? No, of course you don't, because you're 25. Believe me, at 36, 25 looks like a baby. 40 used to look OLD, but now that it's only a few years away, it doesn't look so bad. :)
I was married young, but I was 29 when Indy was born. I know that I'm a much better mom than I would have been had he been born when I was in my early 20's. You have so much life ahead of you. Don't look at what you haven't accomplished. Look at what you have. And if you want to do some more traveling, you're more than welcome to come visit me in Germany. I have a spare room!

Cookie Crums said...

First...you are so not a failure. second, a list is created for a purpose but sometimes things happen so "the list" has to be adjusted.

It's easy for me to sit here typing away adn give advice...so I won't. Just some encouragement. Keep your head up girl!!! Things happenh for a reason. we may not like them or understand them but it's for a cause.

And I'm not sure if I've said but I want to keep following when you go private!!

JenellyBean said...

I think you're being hard on yourself.

Remember, you are human. Of course you can write a list of things to do, but life doesn't always follow suite the way we would like it to.

God holds the blueprint for our lives. Not our thoughts or desires.