Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Dear So & So: The Bachelor Edition

I don't know how many of you watch the show or tuned in for the finale last night but wow!
I had heard rumors (thanks to realitysteve) on who won. Sadly, he was correct. I was hoping the whole time he'd be wrong. Anyways, I've decided to dedicate this edition of Dear So & So to the show. Enjoy!

Dear Chris Harrison, 
I love you, I really do. I'm one of your biggest cheerleaders. I think you have balls of steel but tell me the truth. Did you vomit in your mouth a little bit on the day Jake chose Vienna? or How about last night when they started sucking face right in front of you? Do you tune her out when she speaks to you? 
Sincerely, still loving you.

Dear "On the Wings of Love" Song, 
I never, ever, EVER want to hear you again. I thought I had finally escaped you as the montage of Vienna and Jake played in the season finale. However, you got me again on the After the Rose ceremony, where you actually had the balls to bring out the original guy to sing. Gag. If I would have had a fork handy, I would have stabbed my ears. 
Sincerely, hate in the heart. 

Dear Tenley, 
No pun intended (ok maybe a little bit) but you are a 10! You showed more class last night than most people do their entire lives. If it would have been me, I would have either bitch slapped Jake or kicked him in the man parts. I don't know how you continued to smile and thank him while being sincere. You have class girl and don't worry, you'll find someone who really does appreciate you. 
Sincerely, one of your newest fans

Dear Jake,
Congrats man. You chose Vienna much the surprise of the world. I hope you enjoy the maybe 6 months you guys last. Once you get to hang out on an everyday basis and she moves in (that you mentioned) I'm sure you'll be kicking yourself for picking someone so immature. Also, I caught the "It's not you, it's me" speech you gave Tenley on the boat. That was low class dude. Way low class.
Sincerely, good luck..

Dear Vienna, 
Did you get work done on your face? Because at the ATFR ceremony you looked a little different in the face. You actually kinda looked less drag queeness. I guess now that you have Jake, you have someone who can take your weave out at night for you so that's a plus. 
Sincerely, not a fan. 

30 comments:

Abbie said...

I really, really wish I watched this show because that was HILARIOUS!!!

New Girl on Post said...

This made me laugh so hard. I HATE VIENNA!!!! With a burning firey passion. Her face looks like she got hit by a truck. Mean? Yes..but I really can't stand her.

I hope she gets pregnant with Jake's baby so he can be in his own personal hell!

ABW said...

LOl Too funny! I can't believe that he chose her either. She drove me nuts!!!!

Carrie said...

I don't even watch this show and I already dislike this Vienna girl.

EVERYONE has something bad to say about her, so most of it must be true. :| On behalf of all my blogger friends who hate her:

What was he thinking?!?!?!?!

The Undomestic Army Wife said...

At least we know Jake didn't pick by looks. Vienna is a little ummm... Not pretty

~Mrs. Guru~ said...

Your funny!

Dollface said...

This is the bachelor episode heard round the world, everyone is talking about it!!! enter my giveaway, please! xxxoo

tootie said...

Agreed!! I thought Tenley showed how classy and sincere she really is. I can't believe he didn't pick her!

ChloƩ said...

hahaha, i wanted to gouge my eyes out after hearing that song. after the first time. the second time? i almost threw my laptop at the TV. awful. and i agree, she did look different after!

Erin said...

Ugh, when they danced to that song, is when the vomit came into my mouth. Tenley deserves to much better than that jackhole.

mariahsmile said...

Since I knew Jake was going to pick Vienna, due to all the speculations and the fact that she has bigger boobs than Tenley, I was hoping Tenley would have left Jake on that boat when he said all that crap! She seriously put up with too much and deserves better!

Amber @ A Little Pink in the Cornfields said...

Hahaha, this was funny! I really liked Tenley... I understand his point of view but still... she seemed like a perfect fit!

High Heels and Huntin' Boots said...

Oh my goodness! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog. Yours is adorable! I think we have pretty much the same opinion on last nights final, however, if Jake could pick someone like Vienna, then he's not good enough for Tenley anyway! I love her to pieces and you're right, I was thinking of how I would have acted in that situation and she was so mature about it! All Jake talked about when he spoke of Vienna was this "heat" or "passion". Pretty sure that will fade. I think Vienna had work done too, because she looked a lot better last night than during the show.

Mrs EyeCanSee said...

Haha. That was the BEST bacehlor recap ever. I don't even watch the show and you had my laughing my ass off. Kuddos!

Jenna said...

this is too funny! I completely agree with everything you said.. and yes vienna definitely looked better at the after show, but it's probably because they had someone do her hair and makeup.. haha

Brandy said...

Too funny! Lucky for me, Vienna is moving to my hometown. AWESOME! Hopefully she'll only be making a quick trip since Jake is sure to come to his senses soon.

Steph said...

I read reality steve too so I knew what was going to happen. That's song is ridiculous. Tenely does have more class than anyone I've ever seen on the show. And Jake is a dork.

Kelsey @ Seattle Smith's said...

The Wings of Love song was out of control!!!!!! AND, I am sadly so disappointed in stupid Jake

Jessie said...

nice, very nice! :)

J.L.S. said...

You took the words right out of my mouth. Vienna... woof! He kept saying he has this "physical" connection with Vienna and not with Tenley... I think he needs to get his eyes checked because Vienna is hideous... she is a trashy train wreck. Ugh! I still can't believe he chose her. Someone ruined the end for me by saying what Reality Steve predicted on their FB wall so I knew this was coming for a long time, but gosh I was hoping there'd be a surprise thrown in. I guess the surprise will be on Jake when he finally puts his glasses on and sees what he just did.

Jayme said...

Hilarious! I agree with all of the above! Jake is an idiot.

Random Musings Of My Life said...

AMEN!!

I HOPE that Tenley is the next bacholorette.. I WOULD SO LOVE to see her happy.

Oh and as for Vienna she'll cheat on him the minute she gets the chance and it will be sprawled all over the tabloids and she will get what she deserves.. they will never make it to the alter all she is after is the fame and not Jake

K said...

I only watched last night so I could see the new cast for DWTS, and now I remember why I quit watching it (The Bachelor)! The ending was SOO cheesy!! I hope I never hear that "Wings of Love" song ever again! lol

jenn said...

first of all....you are hilarious!!

2nd of all...v over tenly? dude has some issues...

i don't see this lasting very long...but, who knows.

and now he's on DWTS???!??

geesh!!

Ms. Random said...

You just took EVERY SINGLE ONE of my thoughts and weaved them into poetry, my blogging friend. I could NOT agree with you MORE! Well, written and DANG funny!

THANK YOU!

Kelsey @ Seattle Smith's said...

VERY VERY VERY WELL SAID!

M said...

I'm excited for Ali

M said...

lol my thought.........where was the hair stylist at the finale/sfter the rose....(or the whole season).... for Vienna. I think a wig would have looked better.

Sara said...

This is so freaking funny! And ALL TRUE! This was my first season ever watching The Bachelor (stupid Rozlyn promo's sucked me in!) and I was VERY disappointed in the ending. Vienna over Tenley? Dude is seriously lacking class. He basically admitted he's in it for their 'crazy passionate chemistry' (READ=SEX). Loser much?
And I agree, Vienna definitely had something done to her face bc she looks way different now.

Bridget said...

Loved this! The way you wrote the letter to them is so funny!

Im glad you thought Vienna looked different After the Rose too! I was like OMG whats different with her?