Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The One Where I Open Up

So this is the post where I open up and talk about my personal life. So here it goes... Be warned I thought about titling this post "The One Where I'm Pathetic."

First of all, I'm single... I did what was right for me. I'm not going to get into all of it but I think when you come out feeling that way then it was definitely the best decision. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and more set in my ways but over the last year, I've realized more and more what I do and do not want from a partner/relationship. They say you do get wiser with old age. 

I started talking to one of my friends this weekend about everything and she asked if it had anything to do with ghosts of boyfriends past. Well... I'm pretty for sure that's playing a part. Actually, if I'm being really honest it's played a big part. I don't know what it is. I compare everyone to this one guy. Lately, I've been thinking about things and wondering. Wondering is never good. Not when it's a situation like this. Not when there's a better chance of the Titanic sailing again than us ever speaking to one another. 

I tried to reach out a few months ago and got nothing in return. Now, that's ok. If he doesn't want to talk to me then there's nothing I can do, I tried. I've accepted that. That doesn't mean that I don't wish things were different. As I said before though, I've found myself wondering and hoping that he's well. No matter what some may think, I honestly wish him well. I loved him, why wouldn't I want him to be happy? However, that doesn't stop me from the what if's. 

I'm such a kid from the 80's.... It was probably all those John Hughes movies but sometimes I hope that I'll look out my window and there he'll be holding up a boom box or even standing on my doorstep. Heck, my little heart would boom with a text. Haha. Right about now, I'm really wishing my best friends lived closer. We're all scattered now and it's hard not having someone to call and say, come over and them be there in 5 minutes. 

Anyways, I'm sure this post made absolutely no sense now and kind of rambled but that's just how I'm feeling. Tomorrow's post will be more upbeat, I promise. 

Keep an eye out you may see these again one day... What Not to Say/Do on a Date 

35 comments:

Dollface said...

I think that its totally fine where you are in your life. Everyone goes through this process where they are figuring things out. I think the right guy will come to you. And you never know, you might not have been with the right guy, even if you thought so, xxxoo

JMJE said...

Way to be brave and open up. It good that you are getting wiser as you get older and there's nothing wrong with knowing what you want in a relationship and not settling for something that isn't what you want.

tootie said...

Who wouldn't want the guy with the boom box? (I love that movie!) But I think you are wise for not settling. And who knows - maybe someone will sweep you off your feet one of these days! :)

Jayme said...

When the right guy comes along, you will just KNOW. There will be no wondering, and no comparisons. And he's out there!!!

Kerr said...

boys suck sometimes. I feel your pain. One just kicked me in the stomach yesterday. BOO.

Patience said...

It sounds like you made the best decision. I was haunted by my HS boyfriend and when I finally had a chance to talk to him, I declined. I just didn't feel anything towards him when I saw him. I was angry with myself for holding onto these emotions all for nothing.
You will find your prince charming, I just know it.

rena said...

I know it's hard to open up like that, but I think as long as you did what is best for YOU, you can't go wrong. *hugs*

~KS said...

Oh I so want someone standing outside my window with a boombox too....

I'm single too... most of the time, I'm totally fine with that. Because I'm happy and I have awesome friends and I'm living this life for me... but there are plenty of moments too when it hits me... single means I sleep alone, every night... and I cook for one, and I go home for the holidays, by myself. Sigh. I think I'll just hold out for that boombox...

Tiffany said...

I totally get it. =} I want Scotty to go outside and stand below our window with his guitar. LOL... He then gets it out and comes in front of me and plays. hehe... I just think things like that are romantic, and wish guys would do stuff like that more often.

Summer said...

hey pretty girl,
you totally have to do what is right for you and what you feel in your heart, that is a sure sign you did what was right for you!! It stinks when you are in the dating game and then break up even if it was your idea you were in a comfort zone and now your out of it and have to go back and start all over...you are so pretty you will be fine :0)

I had to laugh at the whole boom box thing because girl Im totally 80s too....hahahha

hang in there, if you ever need to talk im an email away

xoxo
Summer :0)

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

Ugh, breakups suck. I know it's hard to not want things pleasantly resolved and all that. But... you'll get to the point where it'll be okay.

Until then, sending you tons of good wishes hon.

The Girly Tomboy said...

If it's not working, it's not working. You can't fake it and you can't make it work even if you try really hard. Believe me, I've tried. My friends have tried. Doesn't work. Best to admit defeat and move on, hopefully to something that's right.

Hang in there girly. You did the right thing. Even if it doesn't always feel like it.

And it is possible to meet someone who is absolutely right - not perfect, but perfect for you. I haven't met such a person, which is why I'm still single. But I've seen it done!

Taylor @ The Undomestic Momma said...

A great guy will come along at the perfect time! A lot of my best girl friends live far away too..its always hard! Hope you have a good day!

Samantha the ArmyWife said...

GOOD FOR YOU GIRL! I've never really hidden how I've felt about that whole situation. But GOOD FOR YOU! =)

LindseyLove said...

No worries, we're all here so you can relieve some stress! Tomorrow will be better.. everyone has their down days! Keep your head up! : )

lindseyl0ve.blogspot.com

AmberDenae said...

I'm glad you did what was best for you! Hope everything works out for the very best for you! You never know.

My boyfriend (Ben) and I broke up 4years ago. We got back together last year. You just never ever know. We didn't speak to each other for two years- literally. Except in passing when we had to be cordial. It was too difficult for both of us.

Not to make you have higher hopes or anything but it definitely is not impossible and I'm living proof!

Hope you hvae a lovely day :)

Yummy Mummy said...

That's hard. Wondering about the what ifs. But its also normal, I think. There are times when someone will say or do something that remind me of a particular person and I'll wonder what if. I think it's normal to wonder what could have been if this had happened or if that had happened. I also think it's a good way to remind us about what we already have. I do wonder sometimes, but then I always remember that if things had been different I wouldn't have my Lil Mootz and I wouldn't change that for anything in the world. And then I'm grateful that the what ifs are just that...

Laura said...

you crack my up with your "say anything" reference.

Sometimes I think opening up and putting that OUT there (wherever THERE is... cyberspace?) it will start the healing process and things will start to happen. I'm trying to get better at this. I love that you are sticking to your guns and not settling, keep it up! someone even BETTER wil come along befor eyou know it!

Steph S. said...

This sounds stupid coming from a person who's been married to her college sweetheart for four years, but whatever -
You're fine. You're independent, and it's totally cool to fly solo! I practice daily, taking charge of things, learning new things, trying to toughen up, because what if one day I didn't have an S.O.? I'm not planning on him leaving or dying anytime soon, but hells bells, you never know what tomorrow's gonna bring and I don't want to be left in the dust. I always want to have at least some independence and confidence about myself! And right now, you're building on all of that. Just hang, have fun, and when you find a good dude perfect for you, you'll completely stop comparing to the ghosts of boyfriends past - trust me! :D

garden state prep said...

This made sense - I've been there and it's rough. Even though you know it's the right decision, the sadness is still there.

allissa said...

Recently, I was in a similar position. It gets better, and eventually the comparisons start to go away, I promise!

BakerGirl said...

It's good to open up and work things out somewhere other than in your head. It takes guts but it's nearly always worth it!

PS Never settle. :-)

Queen of the Rant said...

When you least expect it the right guy will come along

SS said...

Sorry to hear that things didn't work out but it's always the right decision if at the time you feel it's what is best for you.

Do you find that as time goes on it's not so much about what you do want as learning what you definately DON'T want? That is how it's worked for me. It's always hard to predict what's out there that you may want but never knew... but my don't list is much more firm. :-)

You've had a whole lot of growth and change going on this last year, that's awesome!

My theory is we set ourselves up for disappointment looking for real life to work out like a love song or a love story in a movie.

samnhal said...

I totally hate getting older and growing apart from friends. It's nice to have them close. Who knows, maybe he will turn around, sometimes they just need time. I think it's awesome that you opened up. I saw my ex at the concert last week and I almost threw up, we had less than a chance of the titanic surviving when we broke up. Well, even if it's not with that guy I hope that someone will make you happy.

Erin said...

You don't sound pathetic at all! I am glad you made the right decision for you!

Kelsey Claire said...

Loved the honesty of this post. It sounds like you made the right choice for you. I think it is great that you stood up and did something. Alot of people would have stayed in the relationship because it is easy!

Abbie said...

Girl...I can relate. And good for you for not settling and knowing exactly what you want. That takes guts!

Meghan said...

I think it's awesome that you have made decisions for YOU and your happiness! And you aren't the only one who dreams of a John Hughes romance:)

All the Small Things said...

There are times in life when its 100% OK to be selfish and do what is best for you.I'm so glad that you made the right decision for you and are truly happy because that is what is most important.

Florida Girl Meets the Midwest said...

I didn't get married until I was 31. Believe me, I get it.

I think I reached a turning point in my singledom when I was willing to be happy as I was and wait until I found the right one at the right time. I stopped doing the chasing and waited to find the guy who wanted to chase me.

Brittany Ann said...

I'm so proud of you for doing what was best for your right! You deserve amazing! And if he's not that, he's not for you!

Ms. Random said...

Sometimes I feel you are simply writing down the words in my head and on my heart. I am glad that you recognized early in your relationship that it wasn't meant to be. I also understand what's it like to hold onto someone from the past and wish you could just know how they are.

I'm still waiting for my BoomBox man also!

Lots of love to you!

Hutch said...

I do the wondering all the time. I'm sure it's not beneficial, but it doesn't bode well for the current guy if you compare him to the past. I still hold most guys to the banter standard of a guy I never actually dated. Oh well :)

Selma said...

It made sense girl. :) I always say writing helps and I hope just writing that down help you, too. Even for a little. Being single has its ups and downs, sometimes more than we wish for, but it's what it is. And yes, who wouldn't want that guy with the boom box?! ;)